Top 10 Characters Never Invited to my Wedding
Your wedding is supposed to be a magical memory between yourself and your beloved. The last thing you need is some asshole ruining it. Here are my top ten characters that I absolutely would not invite to my wedding. Ever.
Augustus Waters (John Green's The Fault in Our Stars)
If someone's going to be spouting pretentious soliloquies, like you know he will, it's going to be me.
Bella (Stephanie Meyer's Twilight Saga)
Bella herself isn't bad. I mean, it's the same as inviting wallpaper. I just don't need two beefy dude spatting over who gets to walk her down the aisle.
Queen Levana (Marissa Meyer's Lunar Chronicles)
What, so she can glamour herself and steal the spot light? No one outshines the bride on their wedding day.
Andromeda Slate (Serra Elinsen's Awoken)
I thought Bella was bad, but this lady has Cthulhu lustin' over her. I definitely don't need any of that drama during the reception.
Insert Billionaire Character X from Generic Erotica
Unless they are here to bequeath me a fortune, I don't need their troubled brooding presence at my wedding. If I wanted that I'd invite Severus Snape.
Puck (Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream)
Where this trickster goes, trouble follows. I don't need my honeymoon night to end with my lover's head becoming an ass.
Draco Malfoy (J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series)
Oh just wait to his father hears about this.
Nahadoth (N.K. Jemisin's The Inheritance Trilogy)
A dashingly beautiful, millennia old entity who has godly powers and a grudge against humanity. Nothing can possibly go wrong by inviting this unhealthy combination to your wedding and reception. Except possibly having all the guests become nothing but mindless heaps on the floor. There's that.
Gandalf (JRR Tolkien's Hobbit & The Lord of the Rings Trilogy)
If Puck was bad, Gandalf is worse. By the time I complete the adventure he'll inevitably send me on, my would-be spouse would probably fall enamored with some polyamorous dwarven gang. Which I'm not inherently opposed to, but think of the catering bill of the new wedding.
President Snow (Suzanne Collin's The Hunger Games Trilogy)
Surprise. Welcome to the Wedding Games. Last couple standing receives all the gifts and an all expenses paid honeymoon. Hospital trip not included.
Who wouldn't you invite to your wedding? Tweet me at @book_bounty or send me a message on tumblr.
